Hello Emma,
Overall result
Moderate signs — stay vigilantSeveral problematic mechanisms appear (manipulation, devaluation, control). Without concluding to narcissistic abuse, these signals deserve attention and should not be minimized.
Detailed analysis
Your answers point to episodes of alternation: moments of over-valuing followed by devaluation. Even occasional, this swing can keep doubt and attachment alive.
Your answers for idealization / devaluation cycle reveal moderate signals. Without dramatizing, these elements deserve to be observed over time: a moderate dimension that settles in can become more pervasive through accumulation. The moderate level, in a situation, is often the moment when one hesitates — "am I overreacting? am I imagining things?": this doubt is normal, and it takes nothing away from the legitimacy of what you feel. If you wish, taking brief notes about the moments when this dimension is more present can help understand the triggers and spot any patterns. This tracking can also be useful if you decide to talk to a professional or someone you trust: concrete, dated elements are easier to share than a diffuse impression.
Recommendations
- ✓Spot the shifts from « everything's fine » to being called into question: naming the cycle helps you see it
- ✓This swing is not your doing — what you feel is legitimate
Your answers describe significant control over who you see and a gradual distancing from your loved ones. Isolation is a lever of control: it makes it harder to step back and to ask for help.
Your answers for coercive control & isolation highlight significant signals. Your feelings are legitimate: these answers describe a situation you are currently going through, not a trait that would define you. This is an important distinction: a situation changes when the context changes or when you act on it, whereas a trait would give the impression of being "just how you are" with no way out. You are not the problem; you are facing a situation that is. At this level, it can become difficult to keep a clear view of the situation from within; the outside perspective of a trusted person, a professional, or a helpline can help gain perspective. If several dimensions are simultaneously elevated, this reinforces the need for external support — it is not a failure, it is a normal logic of the situation.
Recommendations
- ✓Keeping at least one trusted bond outside the relationship is an important protection
- ✓You don't have to justify seeing your loved ones: this need is healthy
- ✓A professional or a helpline can help you name the situation without judgement
Your answers point to episodes where your version is challenged, downplayed or turned against you. Even occasional, these moments can plant doubt about your own judgement.
On manipulation & gaslighting, this level calls for the same reading as detailed above for another dimension of the same intensity (see the analysis above).
Recommendations
- ✓Writing facts down, calmly, helps you keep track of what actually happened
- ✓If you're repeatedly told you « exaggerate » or « make things up », checking your memory with someone you trust can shed light
Your answers describe marked indifference to your suffering and an often one-way relationship (your needs count less than the other's image or needs). This lack of reciprocity wears you down, even when attachment stays strong.
On lack of empathy, this level calls for the same reading as detailed above for another dimension of the same intensity (see the analysis above).
Recommendations
- ✓Noticing this imbalance isn't « being ungrateful »: it's clear-sighted
- ✓Leaning on bonds where you feel valued helps restore a reference point
- ✓A professional can help you clarify what you are entitled to expect
Your answers point to a toll: tiredness, self-doubt or guilt more frequent since this relationship. These effects deserve to be taken seriously now.
On impact on you, this level calls for the same reading as detailed above for another dimension of the same intensity (see the analysis above).
Recommendations
- ✓Putting words to what the relationship costs you, without minimising it, is a first step
- ✓Giving yourself time and bonds that recharge you isn't selfish, it's necessary
Profile synthesis
Your answers reveal some moderate signals. Without dramatizing, these elements can be observed and discussed with a trusted person. A moderate situation is not a trivial one: it describes very real difficulties, simply not yet overwhelming. It is often at this stage that it is easiest to act, before things settle in for good. Briefly noting the moments when the situation weighs more — when, with whom, in what context — helps you see clearly and makes the conversation easier, whether with a loved one or a professional.
How your dimensions interact
Your answers reveal several converging signals (Coercive control & isolation, Lack of empathy). This cluster of elements is not a matter of chance: it describes, from several angles at once, the situation you are going through, and it is this convergence that gives it meaning. Seen from the inside, it is often difficult to connect these signals or to gauge their real weight. An outside perspective — a trusted person, a professional, a helpline — can help analyze them, distinguish what depends on you from what depends on the situation, and identify concrete footholds. Putting words on these elements is already a first step toward regaining a grip.
Your action plan
Right now
- →If you are in immediate danger, contact your local emergency services.
- →Coercive control & isolation — Keeping at least one trusted bond outside the relationship is an important protection
- →Coercive control & isolation — You don't have to justify seeing your loved ones: this need is healthy
- →Lack of empathy — Noticing this imbalance isn't « being ungrateful »: it's clear-sighted
- →Lack of empathy — Leaning on bonds where you feel valued helps restore a reference point
In the coming weeks
- →Idealization / devaluation cycle — Spot the shifts from « everything's fine » to being called into question: naming the cycle helps you see it
- →Manipulation & gaslighting — Writing facts down, calmly, helps you keep track of what actually happened
- →Impact on you — Putting words to what the relationship costs you, without minimising it, is a first step
In the long run
- →Retake this questionnaire in 3 to 6 months to observe the evolution of the situation. If scores increase, it is a signal to discuss with a professional.
- →Identify a resource person (trusted loved one, professional, helpline) with whom to talk about this situation safely, even if you are not ready to say everything.
- →Set up a minimum safety plan (safe place, emergency contacts, important documents accessible) if the situation requires — it is preparation, not a decision.
Your answers in detail
1. Early on, this person idealised you intensely (fast declarations, you were 'perfect').
Answer : Rarely
You answered "Rarely". Can you tell me more about when this comes up for you?
It mainly shows up in situations that matter to me, when I feel under pressure or emotionally involved.
2. After that phase, they started criticising you, putting you down or comparing you unfavourably.
Answer : Rarely
And how long have you noticed this?
It has been more present over the past few months, though I recognise it from before too.
3. They swing between moments of tenderness and phases of coldness or contempt.
Answer : Rarely
4. You constantly try to get back the caring person they were 'at the beginning'.
Answer : Rarely
5. Their signs of affection feel conditional: given then taken away depending on whether you comply.
Answer : Rarely
6. They control who you see, where you go or who you stay in touch with.
Answer : Sometimes
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