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How Do I Love? Relationship Style Test
63 questions·10 min·5 dimensions and a separate readiness-to-change module·up to 14 clinical frameworks·5 report sections
Reviewed by Gildas Garrec, CBT practitioner
Good morning,
How do you express affection while keeping space for yourself in a relationship? This test explores four areas: giving, the need for reciprocity, autonomy and expressing affection. It does not measure a universal capacity to love or predict a relationship’s future. A separate module explores your readiness to develop your way of relating.
What you receive — a report written from your answers: what stands out, what sustains it, and where to start. This week, this month, later on.
How it is built — each axis is analyzed on its own, then cross-read with the others, through clinical reading frameworks. Your detailed answers are attached as an appendix. See an example report
The test runs over 63 questions and takes about 10 min, for a price of $3.60.
We'd also suggest reading the book The Practical CBT Guide, to take this reflection further. It's included in the price and downloadable.
If you have a question about your report, write to us at contact@psychologieetserenite.com: a psychotherapist will reply within 48 hours.
I'd also suggest analysing your conversation with ScanMyLove; it's a complementary tool that, from your exchanges as partners, sheds light on your relationship dynamics.
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How Do I Love? Relationship Style Test — a 63-question self-assessment, about 10 min. Explore how you give, seek reciprocity, preserve autonomy and express affection. Reflect on your relationship style without rating your worth as a partner. Once finished, you receive a detailed PDF report ($3.60): an interpretation of its 5 dimensions, a radar chart, up to 14 clinical reading frameworks and a personalized action plan. It is designed to help you know yourself better.
This test covers support, empathy, boundaries, recognition, reassurance, anxiety, hypervigilance, independence, identity, the relationship, affection, speaking your mind and readiness to change. What the test asks, for example Support If helping your partner makes you happy, even when it takes effort. If you anticipate your partner's needs without waiting for them to express them. Empathy If you worry about your partner as soon as they go through a difficult time. If, when your partner is suffering, you feel the need to help them no matter what. Boundaries If you are willing to set aside your own desires for your partner's. If you prefer that each person takes care of their own needs in the relationship. Recognition If you need the feelings to be balanced in your relationship to feel well. If you can give without needing to know what the other person feels. Reassurance If you need to hear or see that your partner loves you to feel secure. If you do not need regular confirmation to feel loved. Anxiety If you become anxious when you do not know whether your partner feels the same way you do. If you can live serenely without knowing exactly what your partner feels for you. Hypervigilance If you watch your partner's behavior looking for signs of their love. If you pay attention to the signals your partner sends to know if they love you. Independence If the idea of spending time alone or with your friends makes you uncomfortable when you are in a relationship. If, even in a relationship, you need spaces that are uniquely yours. Identity If your social life merges with your partner's. If you make sure not to lose your own bearings when you are in a relationship. The relationship If you prefer sharing everything with your partner rather than having separate activities. If you consider autonomy to strengthen the couple rather than weaken it. Affection If affectionate gestures, hugs, kisses and sweet words, come naturally to you. If you express your affection regularly, without waiting for a special occasion. Speaking your mind If you keep your feelings to yourself rather than expressing them openly. If you find it easy to tell your partner what you appreciate about them. Readiness to change If what you've just described has a real impact on your romantic relationships. If you want to change the way you function.
About this test
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Dimensions assessed
- ●Your reading of your way of loving- The way you explain your way of loving, before the test tells you anything about it. This section does not measure any difficulty and does not produce a level: it collects a starting reading.
- ●Self-giving- Measures how much your love is expressed through giving, devotion, and caring for the other person.
- ●Need for Reciprocity- Measures the importance you place on knowing your love is shared and recognized.
- ●Autonomy in the Relationship- Measures your need to preserve personal space, friendships, and projects that belong to you.
- ●Expression of Affection- Measures how easily you express your love freely through words, gestures, and attentiveness.
- ●Readiness to Explore- Measures your current readiness to explore and evolve your way of loving.
Reference frameworks and authors
- Triangle of Love (Sternberg, 1986)
This test is based on Sternberg's triangle of love (1986), which distinguishes three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. It is not a validated version of this instrument and adapts certain dimensions for a broad, non-clinical audience.
Why take this test?
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How do you express affection while keeping space for yourself in a relationship? This test explores four areas: giving, the need for reciprocity, autonomy and expressing affection. It does not measure a universal capacity to love or predict a relationship’s future. A separate module explores your readiness to develop your way of relating.
The questionnaire explores 5 areas: Your reading of your way of loving, Self-giving, Need for Reciprocity, Autonomy in the Relationship, Expression of Affection. Your answers support reflection, not a diagnosis. A separate module explores readiness to change; it is not another trait of the model presented.
Dimensions explored
These are the aspects explored by this questionnaire. Your answers help put them into perspective.
Your reading of your way of loving
The way you explain your way of loving, before the test tells you anything about it. This section does not measure any difficulty and does not produce a level: it collects a starting reading.
Self-giving
Measures how much your love is expressed through giving, devotion, and caring for the other person.
Need for Reciprocity
Measures the importance you place on knowing your love is shared and recognized.
Autonomy in the Relationship
Measures your need to preserve personal space, friendships, and projects that belong to you.
Expression of Affection
Measures how easily you express your love freely through words, gestures, and attentiveness.
Readiness to Explore
Measures your current readiness to explore and evolve your way of loving.
How does it work?
1
Take the test
Answer the 63 questions honestly. There are no right or wrong answers — just choose the option that best describes you. The test takes about 10 min.
2
Proceed to payment
Once you finish the test, pay $3.60 securely to unlock your full report. No registration required.
3
Download your detailed PDF report
For a comprehensive analysis, get your PDF report (5 dimensions analyzed, radar chart, personalized recommendations, action plan). Instant download after secure payment.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does this test measure?
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This test evaluates 5 psychological dimensions: Your reading of your way of loving, Self-giving, Need for Reciprocity, Autonomy in the Relationship, Expression of Affection. The report distinguishes the areas explored and their limits of interpretation. A separate module explores readiness to change; it is not another trait of the model presented.
How long does this test take?
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The test contains 63 questions and takes approximately 10 min to complete. You can answer at your own pace — your progress is automatically saved in your browser.
How does this test work?
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The test is anonymous and requires no registration. After completing it, you immediately see a preview of your results. The detailed PDF report, with in-depth analysis, charts and personalized recommendations, is available for $3.60.
Is this test scientifically validated?
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This questionnaire draws on 5 dimensions from recognized psychological frameworks (Your reading of your way of loving, Self-giving, Need for Reciprocity…). It's a self-assessment tool for reflection, not a clinical diagnostic instrument: it has not undergone formal psychometric validation (sample, reliability coefficient) and does not replace a professional assessment.
What does the PDF report contain?
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Your report includes an analysis by dimension, explanations and personalised points for reflection and a separate readiness-to-change module. Scores are interpreted according to the purpose and limitations of this questionnaire.
Is my data kept confidential?
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No account creation, no email required — no sign-up needed at all. Your answers are sent to our servers while you take the test. All data is automatically deleted after 30 days — see our Privacy page for full detail.
Who is this test for?
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Read this test’s introduction and dimensions to check whether they match your situation. Answer from the perspective specified in the instructions.
Can I retake the test later?
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Yes, you can retake this test as many times as you wish. Some people take it again after several months to observe how their profile evolves. Each new attempt generates its own report — previous answers are not reused.
What should I do with my results?
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The report organises your answers and offers points for reflection. You can discuss it with a professional; it does not replace their assessment or prescribe treatment.
Can people close to me also take it?
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Yes. Each person gets their own anonymous, unique report, based on THEIR answers. Comparing profiles within a family or couple can be useful — provided each person takes the test honestly and on their own, without influencing one another during the answers.
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Test developed by Psychologie et Sérénité. Does not replace a professional consultation.