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Do I Have a Fear of Intimacy? — Relationship Test
63 questions·10 min·5 dimensions and a separate readiness-to-change module·up to 14 clinical frameworks·5 report sections
Reviewed by Gildas Garrec, CBT practitioner
Good morning,
This test looks at your relationship with emotional closeness and with vulnerability. It describes four mechanisms: the avoidance of vulnerability, the way the right distance is adjusted, the fear of losing yourself in a relationship, and the gestures that push away just as the bond is solidifying. The report describes each of these mechanisms.
What you receive — a report written from your answers: what stands out, what sustains it, and where to start. This week, this month, later on.
How it is built — each axis is analyzed on its own, then cross-read with the others, through clinical reading frameworks. Your detailed answers are attached as an appendix. See an example report
The test runs over 63 questions and takes about 10 min, for a price of $3.60.
We'd also suggest reading the book Avoidant Attachment, to take this reflection further. It's included in the price and downloadable.
If you have a question about your report, write to us at contact@psychologieetserenite.com: a psychotherapist will reply within 48 hours.
I'd also suggest analysing your conversation with ScanMyLove; it's a complementary tool that, from your exchanges as partners, sheds light on your relationship dynamics.
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Do I Have a Fear of Intimacy? — Relationship Test — a 63-question self-assessment, about 10 min. This test looks at emotional closeness: avoiding vulnerability, adjusting the distance, fear of losing yourself, gestures that push away. Once finished, you receive a detailed PDF report ($3.60): an interpretation of its 5 dimensions, a radar chart, up to 14 clinical reading frameworks and a personalized action plan. It is designed to help you know yourself better.
This test covers avoidance, speaking your mind, support, shame, boundaries, withdrawal, affection, attachment, independence, identity, commitments, control, conflict and readiness to change. What the test asks, for example Avoidance If, when a conversation becomes too intimate, you want to change the subject or leave the room. If you stay comfortable when exchanges become personal. Speaking your mind If you find it hard to say that you need someone or that you miss them, even to someone who matters to you. If, when someone asks how you are really doing, you tend to minimize or change the subject. Support If you prefer to deal with your problems alone rather than talk to your partner about them. If you can receive emotional support from your partner without feeling diminished or indebted. Shame If crying in front of someone or showing emotion makes you very uncomfortable. If you manage to let yourself go in moments of emotional intimacy. Boundaries If, even with your partner, you keep a part of yourself shielded from the other person's gaze. If you feel better when you have a space of your own, physical or emotional, that your partner cannot invade. Withdrawal If physical distance from your partner, travel or days apart, sometimes brings you relief. If you can stay close without feeling the need to decompress or take distance regularly. Affection If you have sometimes avoided responding to genuine displays of affection because they made you uncomfortable. If you stay close after a moment of great intimacy. Attachment If, when someone truly starts to matter to you, you tend to shut down or pull away. If, when a relationship deepens, you let it take its course. Independence If the idea of being truly emotionally dependent on someone seems unacceptable to you. If you can trust your partner while still feeling like yourself. Identity If you are afraid that truly committing to a relationship will make you lose who you are. If you feel free in your current relationship, and being close does not erase who you are. Commitments If you could commit more if you were certain of remaining yourself within the relationship. If you can commit fully to a relationship without losing your sense of who you are. Control If you carefully watch whether your own desires or values are becoming too aligned with your partner's. If you sometimes feel you are protecting yourself by keeping a mental exit route in your relationships. Conflict If you have sometimes noticed that you provoke conflict just when the relationship was going really well. If you sometimes notice that you are testing your partner, to see whether they will really stay. Readiness to change If what you have just described has a real impact on your life. If you want to change the way you function.
About this test
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Dimensions assessed
- ●Your reading of this difficulty letting yourself go in intimacy- The way you explain this difficulty letting yourself go in intimacy, before the test tells you anything. This section does not measure any difficulty and does not produce a level: it collects a starting reading.
- ●Vulnerability avoidance- Tendency to protect yourself emotionally by staying guarded, minimizing your emotions, or avoiding self-disclosure even in close relationships.
- ●Distance control- How you manage closeness and distance in your relationships: needing a buffer, reactions when someone gets too close, tendency to decompress after intense connection.
- ●Fear of merger- Fear of losing your identity, independence, or freedom in a romantic relationship. Feeling that love is a form of absorption.
- ●Relational self-sabotage- Behaviors — often unconscious — that push the other person away at the moment the relationship solidifies: provocation, sudden coldness, flight, criticism, devaluing the bond.
- ●Readiness to Change- Measures your current readiness to become aware of what you are experiencing and to explore your relationship with intimacy.
Reference frameworks and authors
- Fear of Intimacy Scale (FIS) (Descutner & Thelen, 1991)
This test is based on the Fear of Intimacy Scale (FIS, Descutner & Thelen, 1991), a measure of fear of emotional intimacy. It is not a validated version — it explores similar dimensions (vulnerability avoidance, distance control, fear of merger) in a format accessible to a non-clinical audience.
This test explores your subjective relationship with intimacy. It does not diagnose any personality or attachment disorder — only a healthcare professional can do that. Your answers reflect your current perceptions: they can vary across periods and relational contexts.
Why take this test?
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This test looks at your relationship with emotional closeness and with vulnerability. It describes four mechanisms: the avoidance of vulnerability, the way the right distance is adjusted, the fear of losing yourself in a relationship, and the gestures that push away just as the bond is solidifying. The report describes each of these mechanisms.
The questionnaire explores 5 areas: Your reading of this difficulty letting yourself go in intimacy, Vulnerability avoidance, Distance control, Fear of merger, Relational self-sabotage. Your answers support reflection, not a diagnosis. A separate module explores readiness to change; it is not another trait of the model presented.
Dimensions explored
These are the aspects explored by this questionnaire. Your answers help put them into perspective.
Your reading of this difficulty letting yourself go in intimacy
The way you explain this difficulty letting yourself go in intimacy, before the test tells you anything. This section does not measure any difficulty and does not produce a level: it collects a starting reading.
Vulnerability avoidance
Tendency to protect yourself emotionally by staying guarded, minimizing your emotions, or avoiding self-disclosure even in close relationships.
Distance control
How you manage closeness and distance in your relationships: needing a buffer, reactions when someone gets too close, tendency to decompress after intense connection.
Fear of merger
Fear of losing your identity, independence, or freedom in a romantic relationship. Feeling that love is a form of absorption.
Relational self-sabotage
Behaviors — often unconscious — that push the other person away at the moment the relationship solidifies: provocation, sudden coldness, flight, criticism, devaluing the bond.
Readiness to Change
Measures your current readiness to become aware of what you are experiencing and to explore your relationship with intimacy.
How does it work?
1
Take the test
Answer the 63 questions honestly. There are no right or wrong answers — just choose the option that best describes you. The test takes about 10 min.
2
Proceed to payment
Once you finish the test, pay $3.60 securely to unlock your full report. No registration required.
3
Download your detailed PDF report
For a comprehensive analysis, get your PDF report (5 dimensions analyzed, radar chart, personalized recommendations, action plan). Instant download after secure payment.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does this test measure?
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This test evaluates 5 psychological dimensions: Your reading of this difficulty letting yourself go in intimacy, Vulnerability avoidance, Distance control, Fear of merger, Relational self-sabotage. The report distinguishes the areas explored and their limits of interpretation. A separate module explores readiness to change; it is not another trait of the model presented.
How long does this test take?
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The test contains 63 questions and takes approximately 10 min to complete. You can answer at your own pace — your progress is automatically saved in your browser.
How does this test work?
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The test is anonymous and requires no registration. After completing it, you immediately see a preview of your results. The detailed PDF report, with in-depth analysis, charts and personalized recommendations, is available for $3.60.
Is this test scientifically validated?
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This questionnaire draws on 5 dimensions from recognized psychological frameworks (Your reading of this difficulty letting yourself go in intimacy, Vulnerability avoidance, Distance control…). It's a self-assessment tool for reflection, not a clinical diagnostic instrument: it has not undergone formal psychometric validation (sample, reliability coefficient) and does not replace a professional assessment.
What does the PDF report contain?
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Your report includes an analysis by dimension, explanations and personalised points for reflection and a separate readiness-to-change module. Scores are interpreted according to the purpose and limitations of this questionnaire.
Is my data kept confidential?
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No account creation, no email required — no sign-up needed at all. Your answers are sent to our servers while you take the test. All data is automatically deleted after 30 days — see our Privacy page for full detail.
Who is this test for?
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Read this test’s introduction and dimensions to check whether they match your situation. Answer from the perspective specified in the instructions.
Can I retake the test later?
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Yes, you can retake this test as many times as you wish. Some people take it again after several months to observe how their profile evolves. Each new attempt generates its own report — previous answers are not reused.
What should I do with my results?
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The report organises your answers and offers points for reflection. You can discuss it with a professional; it does not replace their assessment or prescribe treatment.
Can people close to me also take it?
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Yes. Each person gets their own anonymous, unique report, based on THEIR answers. Comparing profiles within a family or couple can be useful — provided each person takes the test honestly and on their own, without influencing one another during the answers.
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Test developed by Psychologie et Sérénité. Does not replace a professional consultation.