The Protective Parent: The Fine Line With Overprotection

Parental protection lies at the heart of the parenting role. Protecting your child from physical, emotional and social dangers is a biological and psychological necessity. But protection has a tipping point: beyond a certain threshold, what was reassuring becomes suffocating.

In the article that follows, I address childhood wounds and the traces they leave. If you recognise yourself in this theme, I have designed a childhood trauma test (ACE) that lets you take stock of the imprint your childhood has left on your life today. It comes with a guide to take the reflection further, beyond the results. I also wrote a book on this subject, Why Does This Hit Me So Hard?, if you would like to go further.

The overprotective parent — sometimes called the "helicopter parent" — does not let their child fail, does not allow them to solve their own problems, anticipates every difficulty before it arises. The intention is loving. But the effect on the child can be harmful.

What overprotection can produce

A child who does not believe in their own abilities

If the parent steps in every time the child meets an obstacle, the child never accumulates the experiences of independent success that build self-confidence. They implicitly learn that adults do not trust them to cope on their own — and end up sharing that conviction. This is something I explore in Your Thoughts Don’t Have to Run Your Life.

Difficulty handling new situations

An overprotected child may be very comfortable in familiar contexts controlled by their parents, and utterly at a loss when facing new situations. Tolerance of uncertainty is acquired through gradual exposure to unfamiliar situations — not by avoiding them.

A paradoxical anxiety

Protecting an anxious child by avoiding every anxiety-provoking situation does not reduce the anxiety: it reinforces it. CBT for anxiety rests precisely on gradual exposure — the opposite of protection.

What helps

Letting the child solve their problems before stepping in, accepting that they will sometimes fail (and that this is normal), resisting the urge to anticipate every difficulty — these adjustments allow the child to develop the resources they will need throughout their life.

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