My Son Watches Andrew Tate: What Should I Do?

This article is part of the "Lost Boys" series -- a multi-part exploration of the silent crisis affecting a generation of young men. Read the founding article: The Lost Boys: Why a Generation of Young Men Is Giving Up in Silence.

1. First, breathe

You have discovered that your son watches Andrew Tate videos. Or Fresh & Fit. Or "Red Pill" content. Perhaps he has started using vocabulary you do not recognize -- "alpha," "beta," "high value," "hypergamy." Perhaps he made a comment about women that chilled your blood.

The first reaction is often panic. Or anger. Or both.

Breathe. What follows in this article is important, and it begins with a counter-intuitive point: your initial reaction will determine whether you win or lose this battle. And most mistakes parents make at this stage push their son further away instead of bringing him closer.

2. Understand before reacting: why the manosphere attracts

Before knowing what to do, you need to understand why your son is drawn to these contents. And the answer is almost never "because he is misogynistic." The answer is more often: because he is suffering, and someone offered him an explanation.

The manosphere operates on a predictable pattern:

Step 1: Validate the pain. "You feel alone? You feel like no one understands you? That girls are not interested in you? That the world is unfair to men? That is normal. You are right to feel this way." Step 2: Provide an explanation. "The problem is society. Feminism. Women. The system. You are not to blame -- you are a victim." Step 3: Propose a solution. "Become an 'alpha.' Get rich. Dominate. Women are programmed to desire high-status men. Here is how you take back control."

This pattern works because step 1 is true. Many young men genuinely suffer. And when no one in their circle validates this suffering, manosphere influencers become the only ones saying: "I see you."

The trap is that the validation of step 1 makes steps 2 and 3 credible.

3. Mistakes to avoid absolutely

Mistake 1: Banning. Confiscating the phone, blocking YouTube -- this does not work. It reinforces the manosphere narrative: "they are trying to silence you, to control you." Mistake 2: Ridiculing. "Andrew Tate? That guy is a clown." Perhaps. But for your son, he is someone who speaks to him. Ridiculing the object of his admiration means ridiculing your son himself. Mistake 3: Lecturing. Facts do not fight emotions. Your son is not attracted by Tate because he rationally evaluated his arguments -- he is attracted because Tate responds to an emotional need. As long as you do not address the need, facts bounce off. Mistake 4: Shaming. Shaming triggers shame. And shame is the mechanism that pushes people toward radical communities -- not the one that pulls them out. Mistake 5: Ignoring. "It is a phase, it will pass." Maybe. But the YouTube algorithm is designed to deepen engagement, not moderate it.

Wondering about the quality of your bond with your teenager? The adult attachment test can illuminate your own relational schémas.

4. What works: the 5-step strategy

Step 1: Validate the pain (without validating the ideology)

This is the keystone. Before you can influence your son, you must regain credibility as an interlocutor. And that begins with recognizing what he is experiencing.

"I see that you find these contents interesting. I think it is because they talk about things that matter to you -- relationships, self-confidence, finding your place. That is normal to look for answers to these questions."

Step 2: Ask questions instead of asserting

Motivational interviewing teaches us that people change more easily when they reach the conclusion themselves.

Instead of saying "Andrew Tate is dangerous," ask:

• "What do you like about what he says?"


• "Do you find everything he says is true, or are there things that bother you?"


• "If you applied his advice, how do you think it would go in real life?"


• "The girls you know -- your sister, your friends -- how would they react to these ideas?"

Step 3: Offer alternatives, not a void

If you remove the manosphere without offering something else, you leave a void. And voids always fill -- often with something worse.

A few leads:

• Positive male rôle models. Men who embody strength without domination.


• Physical activities. Sports, martial arts, weightlifting -- these activities respond to the same need as the manosphere (feeling strong, competent, respected) but without the toxic ideology.


• Real conversations. Your son needs to talk with trusted adult men about what it means to be a man. Not a moralizing speech, but an authentic exchange.

Step 4: Strengthen critical thinking (without directly targeting Tate)

Rather than frontally attacking the content, teach him to analyze all content critically:

• "When someone tells you what you want to hear, what do they gain in return?" (Tate sells courses worth thousands of euros)


• "Does this discourse simplify a complex problem? Real answers are rarely that simple."

Step 5: Be patient -- and stay connected

Deradicalization is not an event, it is a process. It takes weeks, months, sometimes more. The essential thing is to maintain the bond.

5. The specific rôle of the father

If the father is present in the teenager's life, his rôle is crucial. A boy who seeks Andrew Tate is fundamentally seeking a male rôle model. If his father does not fill this rôle -- either through absence or emotional distance -- the boy will look elsewhere.

What the father can do:

• Talk about his own experience. "When I was your age, I was lost too. Here is what I went through." Authenticity is more powerful than any argument.


• Show an integrated masculinity. A man who is capable of being strong AND vulnerable, ambitious AND empathetic, confident AND a good listener.


• Spend time. Not "quality time" -- just time. Go to the gym together, cook, tinker, drive. The deepest conversations between fathers and sons often happen on the margins of a shared activity, not in a forced face-to-face.

6. When should you really worry?

Not all boys who watch Andrew Tate are on a path to radicalization. For many, it is an exploratory phase.

Warning signals that justify more serious intervention:

• Behavior change: new aggression, visible contempt toward women (mother, sister, female teachers), social withdrawal
• Dehumanizing language: women are no longer people but categories ("women are all..."), systematic use of manosphere jargon
• Progressive isolation: abandoning "normal" friends in favor of exclusively online communities
• Rejection of all discussion: total refusal to hear another point of view, aggression when beliefs are questioned
• Financial engagement: subscribing to "courses" or "programs" like Hustler's University

If several of these signals are present, consultation with a mental health professional trained in masculinity and radicalization issues is recommended.

Concerned about your teenager's self-esteem? The Rosenberg Self-Esteem Test can give you a starting point for discussion.

7. Understanding the algorithm: the invisible enemy

A technical point parents must understand: your son probably did not choose to watch Andrew Tate. YouTube, TikTok and Instagram algorithms brought him there.

These platforms are designed to maximize screen time. And polarizing, emotionally charged, provocative content -- exactly what the manosphere produces -- generates more engagement than nuanced content. The algorithm detects that a teenager lingers on a Tate clip, and serves ten more. Then a hundred. Then a thousand.

Parents can:

• Disable recommendations (YouTube restricted mode, parental controls)


• Watch together certain content and discuss it


• Understand that access to this content is not a sign of deviance -- it is the reality of the digital environment in which teenagers grow up

8. What society must do

Beyond parental responsibility, there is collective responsibility.

The manosphere thrives because it responds to a void. If we want boys to stop looking for answers from Andrew Tate, we must offer them better answers elsewhere.

This means:

• School programs that address masculinity, relationships, emotions -- not as feminist topics, but as human topics


• Speaking spaces for boys and young men -- in schools, community centers, sports clubs


• Algorithm regulation that stops pushing radical content toward adolescent brains


• A culture that values positive masculinity instead of ridiculing or denying it

Conclusion: your son is not lost

If your son watches Andrew Tate, it is not because he is bad. It is because he is searching. He is looking for answers to questions no one has asked him: "Who am I as a man? How can I be confident? How do I find my place in a world that seems not to need me?"

These questions are legitimate. And the best answer you can offer is not a speech, an article, or a superior argument. It is your presence. Your ability to listen without judging, to question without accusing, to stay connected even when what he says frightens you.

Your son is not lost. Not yet. But he needs someone -- you, ideally -- to show him that other paths exist than the one the algorithm proposes.

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Sources:

• Centre for Social Justice, Lost Boys Report, March 2025
• Ging, D. (2019). Alphas, Betas, and Incels: Theorizing the Masculinities of the Manosphere. Men and Masculinities
• Baele, S.J. et al. (2021). From "Incel" to "Saint": Analyzing the violent worldview behind the 2018 Toronto attack. Terrorism and Political Violence
• Miller, W.R. & Rollnick, S. (2013). Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change
• Scott Galloway & Logan Ury, The Diary Of A CEO -- Watch the episode on YouTube

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Want to better understand your family and relational dynamics?

• Adult attachment style test -- Identify your attachment profile
• Émotional dependency test -- Assess your level of relational dependency
• Rosenberg Self-Esteem Test -- Measure your self-esteem
• Analyze your couple conversations -- ScanMyLove, the relational analysis tool

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Watch: Go Further

To deepen the concepts discussed in this article, we recommend this video:

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